Unique Grief

I failed a man.

I didn’t cry at the news of his passing.

It felt so weird.

There was once a day when my heart

would‘ve broken and tears would have fallen.

Today I am sadden, but there’s a disconnect.

When did I detach myself from the emotions of grief?

You see, we go through this life knowing

death to be a common thing.

Some of us experience it more

than others, but it shouldn’t be so persistent.

Year after year, it rears its head,

Casting a shadows of grief.

Taking lives in manners beyond belief.

Have I become so use to death that it no

longer bothers me?

When I see the grim reaper,

Do I greet him and continue passing?

I no longer fear and tremble.

I am no longer frightened by the thought of

living without.

I’ve recounted the days spent with friends

and loved ones, yet I no longer feel anguish

for the memories I will no longer make.

My body has learned to cope,

while life’s voice begins to quieten.

You see, I’ve known death for quite some

time. I was born into it.

Death met me at my birth bed.

It knew me before I knew myself.

Death greeted me with a smile, before I had

knowledge of it.

It welcomed me into this world, knowing

it’d already took from me.

Death is neither friend nor fo, but

chooses to greet me with a smile and

kiss on the cheek.

It exists and I let it do its job without

emotional pull or resistance.

After years of experience, I’m not sure I

have anything left.

It’s been 27 years of sickness, disasters,

accidents, murders, and suicides.

How much is a person suppose to take?

Death once ripped opened my curtains,

today, it can’t tear down my walls.

I failed a man.

I didn’t cry at the loss of him.

I couldn’t feel at the knowledge of

his passing.

I have unique grief.

God, is there grace for me?